Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Back to the Grindstone

Yup, back-to-school-time after having my two little B's all to myself for the past two-plus weeks... Always makes me sad! Rainy days and Mondays don't get me down, but dropping my kids off at school does. Every single day I feel a sense of loss when I have to leave them. It is so hard to have to share them with other adults and to allow them to be at the mercy and influences of other kids.

Brailey Shaye was so excited to be going back, and this is a wonderful thing. Britt said he wasn't, but as soon as we got to the door of his classroom, he was ready to see his buddies. He just knew that his mother needed a little extra TLC - such a sensitive boy, he is... Brailey Shaye, on the other hand, told me this morning that she "just loves her teacher!" and she didn't really want to be on Christmas vacation in the first place. Both music to my ears and a crack in my heart. I picked her up early on the last day of school before the winter break so we could get through the Portland traffic and into Seattle a little sooner, and she was actually mad at me! She has become quite the social butterfly, which makes me happy. She had a hard time adjusting to her new school last year. From Kindergarten in Coburg, she was lucky to get into the Spanish Immersion school in Eugene through the lottery system. She adored her first grade teacher from last year and became quite attached to her (they still have a connection). It was definitely hard for my Shaye-Shaye to be in a new school where she didn't know anyone and everything was Spanish, though, and she fought it in her heart and mind for quite a while. It took her until after Christmas to accept the fact she wasn't going back to Coburg Elementary. And now, she loves her second grade teacher and has more friends than ever - guess who's the one in denial this time? Yup - Big Mama is depressed that her baby girl is growing up so fast and leaving me behind. I waited so long for her to come along, it just doesn't seem fair that she is already "leaving the nest" in ways that I'm not ready for. Which is one of the tests of motherhood - raising your babies to feel confidence in being themselves, which means letting go a little more every day, but still trying to give them a place to land. I once read that holding on to something too tightly is like holding sand in your hand - the tighter you hold it, the faster it falls through your fingers. I'm reminding myself today not to squeeze my B's too tight, because I want to hold onto their childhoods forever...

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