Friday, January 29, 2010

Sharing My Little B's

One of the hardest things about motherhood for me has been sharing. I was perfectly happy to have my B's at home with me 24 hours a day. When they are little, you can get away with this - they are your own little person to enjoy. And like I shared with you yesterday, I appreciate my kiddos every second of their lives. I was so happy to have them all to myself! When Brailey Shaye was four, almost five years old, my mom suggested that maybe I should consider putting her in preschool - not for Brailey, mind you, but for me, so I could get used to her being in Kindergarten the next year. She knew how attached I was to my baby girl, and she thought it would be a helpful way for me to ease into the school years. And into sharing her with other people... And once again, my mother was right - she's a wise one, that mom of mine.

Obviously, Brailey Shaye is a dream come true for me, and I couldn't have dreamed a more perfect daughter - she is beyond anything I could ever imagine. One of the worst things I've had to do as a mother was put her in daycare when she was three months old, after my maternity leave ended. I cried every single day I left her. And she was a very sober baby, in many ways. Because of my working hours, she was one of the first babies dropped off and the last to be picked up. She was in daycare from three months old until she was 20 months, which is when Britt came into our world. It took over a year for her to trust that she wasn't going to daycare - every time we would drive by the center she had been in, she would become serious and quiet, the saddest thing you've ever seen in your life. Even at that young age, she recognized her surroundings. She understood the pattern of driving from home to daycare. Devastating to my heart!

Thus, I didn't really want to share her when it came time for school. But it turns out she loved preschool and made friends that continued on into her Kindergarten class, so that was a wonderful confidence builder for her. Britt was thrilled to be in preschool, as well, and while I never would have put him in, his personality demanded it. He is Mr. Social and thrives on interaction with his peers. He would have been devastated not to go after having seen Brailey enjoy it.

So now, I cherish the days off from school like manna from heaven. I don't understand mothers who can't wait for school to start and who roll their eyes at time spent at home with their children - why did they even have them? Quite frankly, I think this is one of the major problems of our society - we are living amongst people who felt like nobody wanted them because they grew up in daycare. And I know I'm lucky that I don't have to make that choice. I am grateful to my toes that I get to be home with my babies. I am so lucky to have a part-time job that allows me to work from home, and I'm drinking in every second of this time with them. So yes, I am selfish when it comes to Brailey Shaye and Britt, and it is hard for me to share my little honey-B's. I think it always will be. And that's why I only do it if I have to.

1 comment:

  1. This is so true, and THANK YOU for putting it out there! People don't talk to their kids anymore! Do they not want to hear what it is they have to say? It is so scary, but you can really see where we are going as a society...it is so easy to ignore your kids..this is sad to me. When we first met I was kinda scared by you..because of your beauty! Most ladies that are as pretty as you are MEAN! Everytime we ran into each other you had that camera in your hands..and I thought..she is such a good mom..really loves her kids, and you can tell!!

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