Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Weighty Issue

Yes, I'm talking about my weight, which seems to keep increasing. So I decided to make myself accountable, let the world know of my struggle - maybe this will inspire me to shed some poundage. I used to blame my recent weight gain on antidepressants, which I took for about three years, I think? I started taking them when I was babysitting an extra kid a few years ago. She was a baby when I started watching her, six months old, and Britt was eighteen months and still in diapers. Lordy-Lord! Being responsible for your own kids is a breeze, but add someone else's into the mix, and it gets a whole lot tougher. Of course we all became attached to her and it wasn't really all that bad. Except for the fact that I felt so tied down. And thus, a trip to the doctor and the arrival of antidepressants into my life. The doctor told me to be careful of my weight on them, and I was fine for a while. And I felt great! However, the pounds did seem to keep creeping on. Plus, antidepressants are expensive as hell! So, about a year ago, I decided no more! I'm done with antidepressants, forever and ever, amen. And it was a big adjustement period, let me tell you. Ask anyone in my family, and they can tell you it wasn't an easy road. But I think my hormones are finally functioning on their own, now, and I am trying to develop my coping skills. However, the weight doesn't want to come off. Which leads me to think perhaps the antidepressants were just an excuse for my other bad habits, of which I do have many when it comes to food. Like the fact that I adore chocolate, and not dark chocolate, which is actually good for you, but milk chocolate, and I have to have it every single day. And the fact that I love my fizz, which for me is Dr. Pepper. And the fact I adore McDonald's fish sandwiches, which are only a buck on Fridays in Eugene... And the fact that I love to eat the worst kinds of foods. In fact, I don't really care for anything that is healthy. True story! But I am still trying, hence the "Spring Training" with the kiddos, which will hopefully benefit me as much as them. And I've been drinking less fizz, although I haven't been able to knock it out 100%. I am not the type of person who can diet or even do weight watchers or journal or use online weight managment tools. I've tried all of those. I've even tried Slim Fast! Did I mention I've always had a slow metabolism? I don't think I've been trim since I was about 9 years old. It is ironic, though, how you always think you are heavy, but then you look back on yourself a few years prior, and you think, "Man! If only I were that weight again!" I no longer care to be my dream weight of 128 pounds. No... Now, I'm just shooting for a size 10, however much "it" (that would be me) weighs.

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