Friday, February 19, 2010

Toxic Twist

Since the beginning of the new year, I have felt emotionally healthier than I have in years! The changes I've made really seem to be working, which was basically eliminating toxic elements from my life, including but not limited to certain people. And Facebook. That was the best thing I've ever done for myself - very empowering!

This week has set me back a bit, though. A curve ball of sorts, if you will... And so now I am trying to regroup myself and to realize that it is not always possible to eliminate certain elements when you would like to eliminate them. And it has been driving me crazy! Which is what I am trying really hard not to be...

But it has also made me realize how important it is for me to be emotinoally healthy, because even though I try not to pass my stress on to my family, it goes to them through osmosis. I found myself picking at Brady and being extremely angry with him over the fact that he drank a pop when he got home from work yesterday afternoon. Which is what he was supposed to be giving up for Lent. Yes, it would be upsetting on a normal day, but after a week full of twists and turns, it was nearly my undoing. In the end, I did manage to let it go, and I consider this to be progress. And now Brailey Shaye is having "issues" with her friends at school and an "upset stomach" for the past few days. These sorts of things are ongoing, I've learned, with kids, but I find it interesting that it would start just as soon as my mind starts it's reckless spinning. She has always been my intuitive child, and I really don't know how to hide my underlying emotions from her. The point being, it isn't good that I do this to her, no matter how it happens. And my little Brittster Man, who almost always does what I ask him to, has started throwing fits every time I tell him to do something the past couple of days. A little thing, yes, but big if you are his mother and you know him. Both kiddos were up half the night last night, as well. Which means Big Mama was, too.

In any case, I have discovered the cure to my crazy is to eliminate things that are not good and pure in intention. Hence, the New Year's Revolutions and changes I have made. But I have been mulling over the possibility that this isn't the whole she-bang, either. I now realize there is another possible element in getting rid of excess baggage and curing my insanity - I have to accept what I don't want to accept, sometimes.

I know the Lord is teaching me, here. Yes, I know this! But it doesn't make it any easier, because I am the one who has to do the work. Acceptance has always been one of my biggest character defects - it takes me a long time to get there. Once I am there, though, I'm all the way there. I am trying to remain calm and to take things slowly. I am trying to get to the point where I can accept what I don't want to and to be okay with it. This little test of character is going to be interesting, to say the least. As they say, it will either make me or break me! Either way, I plan on coming out a better person.

1 comment:

  1. You are one step closer than most people...you are actually admitting what needs to be fixed..and that is to be commended my dear friend! I just love our little talks....why does life have to be so complicated, eh?
    You are a wonderful person! Just look at your kids..a direct reflection of who you are!!
    love ya!!

    ReplyDelete

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