Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Weather Depression

I'm having issues with my personality again... And this time I'm blaming it on the weather. It has been the most miserable weather we've had all winter long, which would be fine and perfectly acceptable with my brain but for one problem - IT'S NOT WINTER ANY MORE! It is SPRING, and when my calendar flips past March 20th, I automatically go into spring mode and expect warmer temperatures. I can even handle the rain if the temperature is at least 60 degrees...

Normally I can attribute my cranky days and grumpy attitude to my blessed "time of the month." Can't every woman? I've read that men have periods, too, but I just don't see it in my man the way I see it in myself every single month. Basically, what it boils down to, is that I have two good weeks every month, three if I am lucky. Can you believe that?! Why do hormones have to be so controlling and rule a woman's world? I know I am not alone in my monthly bitchiness, but I truly detest PMS and everything that goes with it, like cravings for chocolate and bloating and no energy and cramps.

This time, though, it is more than my "time," and even more than the weather. Every now and then, a couple times a year (maybe more if you ask Brady, but we're not asking him), I get serious. About everything. There is just no joy in any part of my personality! This is not to say that I don't love my family or enjoy my children - that isn't it. I just become serious, serious, serious. I have a tendancy to be serious on a normal, happy, Type A day, but the past few days I have been serious in the extreme. My doctor, when I went to him the last time this happened, said I was depressed. Depressed! Yes, depression happens to me. I said to him, "No, I'm not depressed - I have the best kids and husband in the world and I love my life!" And he explained to me that depression doesn't always have a reason. Sometimes it just is.

I don't know why I become depressed every now and then, but for the first time in my life, I realized it all on my own, so I think that must be progress, right? Except that I don't know how to "lighten up." I'm just not feeling "light" right now, spiritually or physically. I do think a big part of my dilemma is a reflection of the weather - I am someone who relys on the sunshine in order to have a "sunny" disposition. And after the relatively mild winter we experienced, I wasn't prepared for stark-raving-mad cold and dreariness and BLAH.

Whatever the deal with me is, it is seriously irritating, and I'm ready for a change! Seriously, I am.

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