Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Fall Grumpies

Oh my GOODNESS! Big Mama is G-R-U-M-P-Y! I mean! I am MEAN! I was hoping to avoid being pissy this time of year this year, but yesterday proves I am deep in the heart of Bitchville. Every single year, near the end of summer and the beginning of fall, this happens to me. And I feel really bad for my family, because they always get the brunt of it, of course. The problem is that I go into a period of grieving over the loss of summer. I am someone who LIVES for summer, and when the days start getting shorter and cooler, it just slays me. I can barely stand the thought of rain... And then you add into the mix the fact that my babies going back to school, and things get really emotional, because unlike most parents, I detest sharing my kids. We've had such a good summer just hanging out and being together, and now I have to send them back with the wolves.

Yes, WOLVES. Because we all know there are some crazy people out there and they are raising their kids to be just as crazy as they are, and it really bites that I can't protect my children from them forever. But the fact is, I CAN'T protect them, and I don't want to have a couple of socially inept homeschooled weirdos, either. So I have to send them back to the wolves and help them develop the shells they are going to need to survive this nutty world.

It has been so wonderful to have lazy days with them at home this summer, and I am mourning the loss of those, as well. Britt started his Pop Warner football season last night, and so we are going through some schedule changes, and I have to admit it stresses me out. I am wondering when I can take them riding, especially now that they are both riding so well - I hate for Britt to lose that. I at least want to make sure Brailey Shaye gets to ride, since she is no longer able to ice skate (they tripled the prices, and we just can't afford it). I don't see a window of opportunity anywhere for both of them to ride. Sure, I can take Brailey riding, just her and I, on the a couple of nights a week if Brady takes Britt to practice on his own, which is probably what we'll do, but I like it when we are all together. All 4 B's together is how I prefer to live my life, and when it doesn't work out that way, I take it hard. And then the grumpies come out. Which is ironic, because they turn me into the last person anyone would want to spend time with, so my family is probably thrilled to get away from me.

I have a tendency to be heavy on the serious side of things, anyway, so it is something I definitley have to work on on a regular basis. I need to be more F-U-N! So that is one of my goals for this fall. I am going to try to step back from my pain and be more supportive of all this change that is occuring and not take our lives so seriously. I have no idea how I am going to accomplish this, but at least I am aware that I have issues, which takes me back to the fact that I do know I'm crazy (see earlier posts), and I believe that is a step in the right direction. Hopefully now that I've written it out, I can take a deep breath and move on from the sadness and be happy and embrace the season of change that is rolling in. Because I don't like being in Bitchville - it sucks.

2 comments:

  1. You poor thing! At least your realize when you're slipping into mean-dome... Just reassure them that is coming from a place of love and that you miss the free un-scheduled time that is the Summer. I just had a chat with an old co-worker who is sending her kids back to school and she said the coordinating of scheduling and pickups and dropoffs and all the activities is exhausting... and here I was complaining about not sleeping! There is something to be said about family-time - dinner time or riding or whatever it is. Sometimes we just have to slow down and make it the priority? I love your spirit! I can just HEAR you in your writing - it is so great, hugs, coley

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  2. I'm in Bitchville with you!! You are not alone!! :)

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