Well, I haven't really lost my blog, but I seem to have lost my ability to feel passionate about writing on my blog. I've been thinking about deleting it for a while, now.
For one thing, I never get any "comments," which are the bread and butter of a blogger's soul. Yes, I need that "adoration" and "attention." It's just the way I am! It feels too depressing to write about something or to post pictures and not know if anyone even cares. Which is why I always try to post a comment on other people's blogs. Thank goodness for my bestie, or I wouldn't have but a handful of comments!
For another thing, I've been thinking about how blogging is sort of like Facebook, which I view as a sort of Celebrity Complex for the people who are on that network. Everyone wants to feel like somebody special, you know? And Facebook certainly gives you the sense that you matter and allows people to pretend to be someone uber special whose status is oh-so-important. Do I sound jaded? Well, I am. I'm also ashamed I got sucked in to that whole scheme in the first place.
And lately, I've been thinking that blogging about my life and my family is pretty similar to what people do on Facebook, and maybe I should just stop. Plus, I have a feeling there are people reading it that I really don't want reading it - people who shall remain nameless, but nonetheless people who don't deserve being privy to the details of our life that I share through the blog. Ironic how the people that don't "care" about you still dig into your life, isn't it?
Perhaps I needed the blog when I left Facebook. It was like therapy for me. I do love to write and I think I'm pretty good at it (look at that - I just gave myself a compliment!). Plus I have so much "wisdom" I want to share (see the celebrityism in that line of thought?)! But lately, I just haven't been feeling it. "It" being that sense of pride and satisfaction from writing something fun or sharing a special moment in my family.
On the other side of the coin, it has been a fun way to document our life and to capture at least a fraction of the precious things my little B's do and say. In that sense, the blog is like a memory book for our family. Which makes it hard to give up...
I think the bottom line revolves around my expectations. I heard the other day that expectations are premeditated resentments. That made so much sense to me! And in the context of blogging, I do have expectations that people will read my blog and leave me comments, which feeds that need for my low self-esteem to feel important. I have even had expectations about what my friends share on their own blogs and had my feelings hurt when I felt ignored - how crazy is that?! But the expectation I have does cause a me to feel resentful, and I think I'm realizing how self-serving that is. Or maybe I'm just getting emotionally healthy for the first time in my life and discovering that even though I really like it, I shouldn't need that praise and glorification in order to feel good about myself. Deep stuff.
So that's where I am today. Trying to determine what I should do. Become even more private than we have become, or just ride out the blogging storm in my heart for a while and see if I feel inspired to post in the future?
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
This is the funniest thing! Since I have cut my hair short, strangers keep coming up to me and saying, "Do you know you look like Meg Ryan?" "You look like Meg Ryan!" "You know who you look like? Meg Ryan." "Has anyone ever told you you look like Meg Ryan?" One lady even thought I sounded like her. Is that funny or what? I'm not sure it is true, but I find it complimentary, of course, and if you've read my previous posts, then you know how much I need attention, so what can we say? I've always loved Meg! If only I had her money... Anyway, what do you think?
|The REAL Meg|
|The REAL Me|
Monday, February 7, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
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