Thursday, February 24, 2011

Lost My "Blog"

Well, I haven't really lost my blog, but I seem to have lost my ability to feel passionate about writing on my blog. I've been thinking about deleting it for a while, now.

For one thing, I never get any "comments," which are the bread and butter of a blogger's soul. Yes, I need that "adoration" and "attention." It's just the way I am! It feels too depressing to write about something or to post pictures and not know if anyone even cares. Which is why I always try to post a comment on other people's blogs. Thank goodness for my bestie, or I wouldn't have but a handful of comments!

For another thing, I've been thinking about how blogging is sort of like Facebook, which I view as a sort of Celebrity Complex for the people who are on that network. Everyone wants to feel like somebody special, you know? And Facebook certainly gives you the sense that you matter and allows people to pretend to be someone uber special whose status is oh-so-important. Do I sound jaded? Well, I am. I'm also ashamed I got sucked in to that whole scheme in the first place.

And lately, I've been thinking that blogging about my life and my family is pretty similar to what people do on Facebook, and maybe I should just stop. Plus, I have a feeling there are people reading it that I really don't want reading it - people who shall remain nameless, but nonetheless people who don't deserve being privy to the details of our life that I share through the blog. Ironic how the people that don't "care" about you still dig into your life, isn't it?

Perhaps I needed the blog when I left Facebook. It was like therapy for me. I do love to write and I think I'm pretty good at it (look at that - I just gave myself a compliment!). Plus I have so much "wisdom" I want to share (see the celebrityism in that line of thought?)! But lately, I just haven't been feeling it. "It" being that sense of pride and satisfaction from writing something fun or sharing a special moment in my family.

On the other side of the coin, it has been a fun way to document our life and to capture at least a fraction of the precious things my little B's do and say. In that sense, the blog is like a memory book for our family. Which makes it hard to give up...

I think the bottom line revolves around my expectations. I heard the other day that expectations are premeditated resentments. That made so much sense to me! And in the context of blogging, I do have expectations that people will read my blog and leave me comments, which feeds that need for my low self-esteem to feel important. I have even had expectations about what my friends share on their own blogs and had my feelings hurt when I felt ignored - how crazy is that?! But the expectation I have does cause a me to feel resentful, and I think I'm realizing how self-serving that is. Or maybe I'm just getting emotionally healthy for the first time in my life and discovering that even though I really like it, I shouldn't need that praise and glorification in order to feel good about myself. Deep stuff.

So that's where I am today. Trying to determine what I should do. Become even more private than we have become, or just ride out the blogging storm in my heart for a while and see if I feel inspired to post in the future?

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Lucky Number Seven for Britt

Well! It was a day filled with fun and celebration for Britt on Friday, his 7th birthday. He was so excited for his birthday, he could hardly stand it, counting the days down... One night as I tucked him in he asked how many more days until his birthday, and I told him how sad I was that he was getting so old, and he replied to me very seriously, "I don't want to turn seven, either. Really, I don't! I'm just excited for the presents." So Big Mama had to change the sad vibes she was sending out and turn them into acceptance. But seriously, why must they grow so fast? Anyway, he started the day off by opening one of his presents from Gramma and Papa, and Brailey opened hers from them, as well - this is a tradition my mom and I have always stuck to. We always give the "other" kid a little something on birthdays, as well. We believe it prevents jealousy, and guess what? It does! This way, nobody feels left out. Birthdays are a family celebration, after all. At least they are in the 4 B household!

Britt at his desk - we brought his class Batman cupcakes. Brailey's teacher let her come across the hall to help distribute the cupcakes and napkins, and to enjoy one herself. They were MUY DELICIOSO!
And then, we got to go back to Brailey's classroom to watch her give a presentation on a report she wrote about Thomas Edison. And it was wonderful and extra special that Brady was able to be there for both "events!" Brailey did a truly fabulous job - we were very proud of her. Ironically, Thomas Edison was born on February 11th, also (same day as Britt!).

This was Britt's face when they brought him his birthday ice cream and sang to him at Red Robin, a first for him. He loved it!

Yes, the cake was Batman, as well. He's been very "into" Batman, lately. What can we say?
And this is one of his favorite new toys. He was thrilled with all his gifts and happy and I think he felt like a celebrated birthday boy. Had I been thinking, I would have put him in his real football jersey from Pop Warner, which as you may remember has a number 7 on it. Darn it! But, the point being, Britt really, really, really missed his dad while he was gone, and so we wanted to make it a special day for him, and I think we succeeded. I really can't believe it has been seven years since he was born. I was terrified to have a boy - when we found out he was a "he," my heart went PANG and I thought, "WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH A BOY?" He's the only boy in our family. And he's also my Mama's Boy and Little Dumpling and Pumpkin and everything amazing that little boys are to their mothers. He has brought so much joy to our family, it is indescribable.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Meg and Me

This is the funniest thing! Since I have cut my hair short, strangers keep coming up to me and saying, "Do you know you look like Meg Ryan?" "You look like Meg Ryan!" "You know who you look like? Meg Ryan." "Has anyone ever told you you look like Meg Ryan?" One lady even thought I sounded like her. Is that funny or what? I'm not sure it is true, but I find it complimentary, of course, and if you've read my previous posts, then you know how much I need attention, so what can we say? I've always loved Meg! If only I had her money... Anyway, what do you think? 
The REAL Meg


Monday, February 7, 2011

First Weekend in February Fun

Big Daddy and Britt at the Yakima PBR. My two handsome cowboys!
Britt and the "clown," who was funny to watch and listen to and kind enough to pose with Britt.
Big Mama and Brittster Man standing in front of this HUGE train engine on display next to the Columbia River. Brady stopped by on our way home to show it to us, and it was magnificent! It was an old steam engine, and I am still in awe at how big it was. And is - it is truly a monster!
And our Shaye-Shaye with her "movie star lips," which she already has naturally, but we brought these back for her, because she didn't get to go to the PBR with the other 3 B's due to her being super sick with pneumonia. She was thrilled to not have to go on the trip, though, and she got to stay with her bestie. Even though she was sick, she has a blast! Her Aunti Kim pampered her and even gave her a pedicure and manicure - see those beautiful nails? The other 3 B's missed her like crazy, but she didn't miss us at all! She loves those Lamberts THAT MUCH! I'm so grateful she was able to stay with them, because she really wasn't well enough to travel, and we don't have any family willing to help us in situations like this, aside from our parents, who live way too far away. But the Lamberts have become our family, and we are blessed! The kids are like cousins, and Kim has truly become my sister - you can't believe all the things she does to help me out! Anyway, it was a fun weekend, and now we are getting ready to celebrate Britt's birthday at the end of this week. And Valentine's Day! Yay us!

Friday, February 4, 2011

The Puzzle, Complete

Just in case you were curious about that puzzle the little B's and I worked on... Here it is! (Now you know how crazy I am - who on earth takes pictures of their puzzles, for pity's sake?!) The little B's and I finished it last week. I kept it out to show Brady when he got home, and of course he was impressed (or so he pretended to be, and I am choosing to believe him, because what's not to be impressed about, right?), and I ALMOST mod-podged it for my mom to have forever and ever because she really, really liked it when she saw us working on it a couple of weekends ago. But then we decided to do another, different puzzle, and so Britt and I wrecked this beauty and put it back in the box. Why is that so hard for me to do?

Thursday, February 3, 2011

January 2011 Pictures

 Pajama Day at school!

 Brailey Shaye-Shaye in her pug shirt with the "cutest pugs in the world!" Rosin (ours) and Bucky (Grandma's). You have to admit it - they are ADORABLE!
Britt's AMAZING lego creations - he used almost every single one of his legos to build all of these, and he still hasn't taken them apart. How's THAT for using one's imagination?

April - Here and Gone in the Blink of an Eye

It seems crazy to think Easter Sunday was on April Fool's Day this year, but it totally was. We started our Easter at mass with our fa...