Thursday, February 24, 2011

Lost My "Blog"

Well, I haven't really lost my blog, but I seem to have lost my ability to feel passionate about writing on my blog. I've been thinking about deleting it for a while, now.

For one thing, I never get any "comments," which are the bread and butter of a blogger's soul. Yes, I need that "adoration" and "attention." It's just the way I am! It feels too depressing to write about something or to post pictures and not know if anyone even cares. Which is why I always try to post a comment on other people's blogs. Thank goodness for my bestie, or I wouldn't have but a handful of comments!

For another thing, I've been thinking about how blogging is sort of like Facebook, which I view as a sort of Celebrity Complex for the people who are on that network. Everyone wants to feel like somebody special, you know? And Facebook certainly gives you the sense that you matter and allows people to pretend to be someone uber special whose status is oh-so-important. Do I sound jaded? Well, I am. I'm also ashamed I got sucked in to that whole scheme in the first place.

And lately, I've been thinking that blogging about my life and my family is pretty similar to what people do on Facebook, and maybe I should just stop. Plus, I have a feeling there are people reading it that I really don't want reading it - people who shall remain nameless, but nonetheless people who don't deserve being privy to the details of our life that I share through the blog. Ironic how the people that don't "care" about you still dig into your life, isn't it?

Perhaps I needed the blog when I left Facebook. It was like therapy for me. I do love to write and I think I'm pretty good at it (look at that - I just gave myself a compliment!). Plus I have so much "wisdom" I want to share (see the celebrityism in that line of thought?)! But lately, I just haven't been feeling it. "It" being that sense of pride and satisfaction from writing something fun or sharing a special moment in my family.

On the other side of the coin, it has been a fun way to document our life and to capture at least a fraction of the precious things my little B's do and say. In that sense, the blog is like a memory book for our family. Which makes it hard to give up...

I think the bottom line revolves around my expectations. I heard the other day that expectations are premeditated resentments. That made so much sense to me! And in the context of blogging, I do have expectations that people will read my blog and leave me comments, which feeds that need for my low self-esteem to feel important. I have even had expectations about what my friends share on their own blogs and had my feelings hurt when I felt ignored - how crazy is that?! But the expectation I have does cause a me to feel resentful, and I think I'm realizing how self-serving that is. Or maybe I'm just getting emotionally healthy for the first time in my life and discovering that even though I really like it, I shouldn't need that praise and glorification in order to feel good about myself. Deep stuff.

So that's where I am today. Trying to determine what I should do. Become even more private than we have become, or just ride out the blogging storm in my heart for a while and see if I feel inspired to post in the future?

3 comments:

  1. Ride it out!!!! Don't ever stop!!!! I enjoy it....and you are inspiring. Your mom and dad probably LOVE hearing about the kids too! Don't ever stop Bo!!!!!

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  2. I agree!! and I seem to forget to check your blog.....then there are times I just totally enjoy seeing your pics but not in the "mood" to comment which is no reflection on YOU or your blog..but the pictures always makes me smile...
    You ARE an awesome writer! and I feel you need to blog when your heart feels its time...don't stop but when you feel the urge/need, do it!!!! I don't feel it HAS to be a daily or even weekly thing and certainly blogs are not to make people feel pressured..so...PLEASE don't stop...
    And YES, you are very inspiring...I throughly love hearing about your lives since I never get to see you guys anymore......
    Love You All~
    Molly

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  3. If it is one more thing on your list that you HAVE to do - it has lost its fun or purpose - I think I was the one that told you to get into to it and I feel bad that you think it is not fun any more. I too, don't comment most the time, I would rather send a more personal email I guess? I do check every two or three days though for new pictures and stories of the 4B's - it is a very nice way to stay in touch. I use my blog strictly for pictures to keep our respective far-away relatives "in touch" so I can't really put my "real feelings" out there because I don't know who is reading it either - perhaps you could start another one that is more super secret and invite people to it or ??? I don't know. I remembered you wanted to start a book and writing? i hope you still have a creative outlet for all of your ideas - ??? so sorry you're feeling blue, I hope I didn't add to it ~ hugs, coley

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