Wednesday, May 4, 2011

True "Big Mama" Confessions

I saw True Mom Confessions in a magazine by a mom blogger, and I thought, "I'm glad I'm not the only one with 'secrets.'" And after reading the author's list, my next thought was, "Damn! I've got better secrets than that!" In fact, it could be said that I am prone to over sharing - one of my character defects... Still, how fun! I'm going to let you in on even more of my deep, dark, dirty secrets...

CONFESSION NUMBER ONE: I don't really like to "play" with my darling little B's. But I do LOVE to be near them and to listen to them play with each other. Sometimes I feel guilty about this and wish I was the kind of mom who liked to participate in Barbies or Star Wars or a tea parties or whatever it is they are doing. I just don't have that (whatever "that" is) in me. So I've accepted it, and I counteract my guilt by reminding myself that I am still spending time with my babies and completely enjoying them. Even though I'm not participating, exactly, I am soaking up every second of the entertainment they provide to me through their play. And I know for a fact I love and appreciate my kids more than the average mother, so I have that going for me, too. Just this past weekend, Brailey was cooking with mud and leaves and twigs and seeds, playing restaurant, and she asked her dad and I if we would like some delicious chips and guacamole? "Or," she said, "if you don't want those, perhaps you would like to try some of this, which is a cousin to guacamole, COCKamole." Now that's cute - I don't care who you are!

CONFESSION NUMBER TWO:  I don't like play dates. My kids are so close to each other, and they see each other so little at school, I hate to take their time with each other away from them by filling their time out of school with play dates. I feel like playing with other kids can be done at school, and the rest of the day is for our family. Still, I know this is narrow-minded and my kiddos don't really understand my philosophy. I actually haven't even explained my philosophy to them, but they do know I'm not a big fan of play dates. I try to make exceptions every now and then, and I do have my favorite kids that are also an exception to this line of thought, but for the most part, I try to keep my kiddos close at hand, near me and near each other. It won't be long until they are out of the house and living their own lives, so I guess it is one of the ways I am trying to capture their childhoods. And since I'm being honest, I also don't like the influence of other kids on my kids - there are some real (pardon my language) dipshit parents out there, raising dipshit kids, and I don't want any of their "shit" rubbing off on my perfect angels. Okay - that was a bit dramatic, but the point being, there are some crazy people in this world, and I do try to protect my kids as much as I can from the crazy kids. I'm their Big Mama, so I can do that - it's my prerogative as their mother, and I take full advantage of that fact.

CONFESSION NUMBER THREE: I believe in ghosts. And healers. And a lot of things that aren't really in sync with my Catholicism. There are reasons for my beliefs, of course - like the fact that I have seen my grandma twice since she passed away, and the fact that one of my dearest friends sees ghosts on a regular basis. And I do believe people like Sylvia Brown are able to see things most of us can't. I may be close-minded about many things, but spirits and sixth senses I'm completely open to.

CONFESSION NUMBER FOUR: Even as blessed as I am and as grateful as I am for the many blessings and good fortunes I have in my life, I experience depression at least a couple of times a year. And let me tell you, it is depressing to be depressed! I'm pretty sure it is weather-related, for the most part. I used to take anti-depressants, and I have to admit I felt great when I was on them. And sometimes I really (I mean really!) miss them! I've been off them for quite a while, now, and I don't ever want to mess with that chemistry in my brain again. EVER! I feel quite passionate about this issue... Although it is painful to struggle through depression, I would rather feel the pain than be on extraordinarily expensive medication that does who-knows-what? to my body and brain. I'm all about being "natural" when it comes to depression, and I try to work through my dark days in other ways. And again, since I'm being honest? The end of March and the first three weeks of April were some of the saddest I've ever experienced, and for no reason at all. I'm feeling very grateful to be back in the Land of Happiness today.

CONFESSION NUMBER FIVE: Since I'm touching on medicine, I don't trust American doctors. I think the whole medical world in the U.S. is a business geared at making money, not helping people. I'm still grateful to have doctors and hospitals, but I don't believe in flu shots or all the prescriptions doctors throw at patients. I know for a fact other countries are ahead of us medically, thanks to a good friend I have in the medical world. And those other countries don't view health care as a means for making money - they just want to help people be well. I wish America could do the same.

CONFESSION NUMBER SIX: This may not come as a surprise to most people - certainly not the ones who know me, but even if you don't know me and you just ran across this blog, you can probably sense that I'm a control freak! For example, I still pick out my kiddos' clothes they wear to school, and I don't mess around when it comes to keeping my children in line. I expect them to be the best versions of themselves they can be, and you know what? They really are. Probably has nothing to do with my control freak issues and more to do with the sweet spirits they were born with, but it doesn't really matter, because the fact of the matter is that I don't feel quite right unless things are going as smoothly as possible. That being said, it is probably easy for you to see why I have bouts with depression every now and then. And I have learned to let a lot of things go - motherhood taught me that secret. So I do my best to balance the control with free rein, but it is a constant struggle that I suspect I will always be working on.

CONFESSION NUMBER SEVEN: I have a potty mouth. I curse like a sailor. My kids have heard almost every horrible word there is to hear. Frequently. Because of this, I have had to resort to using a phrase my dad used on me when I was a kid, "do as a I SAY, not as I DO." Which is a real tragedy, because kids do what they see! I am ashamed of this part of my personality, and it is something I have been working on, and frankly, I have noticed I've been getting better at controlling my words. However, cussing is like the disease of addiction, and once you have it, you're always going to have it. Maybe I should start a Twelve Step Program for Cussers Anonymous...?

CONFESSION NUMBER EIGHT: I cannot stand the sound of people eating. This includes crunching, smooshing, stuffing, sucking sounds and furthermore, I have become quite sensitive to the smell of food, as well. Just last week I attended a meeting that was during the noon hour, and unbeknownst to me, people were allowed to bring their lunches with them. I handled all the eating and made myself take it in stride for the first part of the meeting. Then, in the middle of the hour, this chunky lady came in late and sat RIGHT NEXT TO ME, and wouldn't you know she had the most disgusting smelling yogurt and crunchy salad ever in the history of yogurt and salads, which she proceeded to eat for the remainder of the meeting. Truly, it took every ounce of self-control I possessed not to move to another seat. And even more self-control not to vomit. I had to discretely plug my nose and work at breathing. It was truly awful! My mind was full of cus words...

Okay, enough with the confessions! I've over shared enough for one posting. Stay tuned for more down the road - you never know when the Confession Bug will hit me. Until then, don't ask for play dates (unless you are one of my "exceptions"), keep your eating to yourself and please! Let me know if you've seen a ghost!


  1. o my!!! your confessions made me laugh out loud! I too am a control freak - I have no idea how it will manifest as Jason gets older... for now i just keep putting the books away on the shelf in their little order and lining up clothes and shoes like I prefer... cussing also a problem for both pete and I! UGhhh should we do a jar? you crack me up, what a fun exercise... keep um coming!

  2. I love you just the way you are...!!!
    and you know ME and MY cussing...omgosh, I can put truckdriver to SHAME and no, I'm not proud of it...this blog spot doesn't have enough room for all of MY confessions...


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