Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Bluebell Syndrome Explained

So if you read the lyrics in the previous post, your curiosity may be piqued (I hope) as to what I found so endearing about it. Not that I find myself to be such an interesting person that you just can't wait to read about, but the story of me IS kind of wild, and I actually DO have a lot in common with a bluebell flower... And maybe even YOU will be able to relate to it after you read about my experience.

The first thing to know is that I have had plantar fasciitis in my right heel for the past five years. I used to have it in both feet, but my left one heeled (pun intended!), and so I've just been dealing with my right one. But, unfortunately, back in January I pulled the achilles tendon in my left foot. So that has been plaguing me for the past few months, also. Two sore feet!

Anyway, stay with me me - you might be confused at this point, but it will all make sense in the end.

Another thing happened back in January. I was in a situation where I had to share some personal, personal, PERSONAL things in front of a LOT of people. It was possibly one of the hardest experiences of my life. It lasted for two days, and on the second day, I was given feedback, which was really nice, but a little shocking for me, too, because the counselor who was running my group said the same thing my mother has been telling me for years...

She said I need to come out of my shell a little more and to let the real me shine through. She said I protect myself from people more than I need to, and I should let my emotions, which I hold on to with the tightest of reins, have a little freedom. And that if I did this, it would actually make me stronger. My mother has known this about me for years - I have no idea how this counselor could see it in such a short period of time. I will admit there are only a handful of people who see the "real" me. It isn't something I do on purpose, but it IS something I do. I think it comes from being so sensitive, which is a curse I wish on no one, and from the fear I have in my heart that I will be hurt. Or that I might make a mistake. I'm constantly analyzing what I say to people in everyday conversations, and I usually feel like I say the wrong thing. I'm a big open book for the most part, but since we're being honest, I do hide the real me.

Anyway, a couple of months went by, and I was hanging out with one of my dearest friends, and she let it slip that she is a bit of a "healer." Meaning she can help aches and pains go away. And so I thought of my own aching feet, and I asked her if she could fix my achilles. I didn't even really care about the foot with the plantar fasciitis, because by this point, I've learned to live with that pain. But the achilles? It was pretty killer.

So now the meshing of the two concepts in this story...

My friend said "yes!" She could certainly heal my heels! And so she very generously came to my house one evening and worked on me for over an hour, finding all my pressure points and releasing the toxins. I could FEEL the toxins leaving my pressure points and radiating out through my body. And very early into her process, she said, "You're hiding behind your head. You're living back here." By "here" she meant the base of my skull. Once again, the hiding concept... And she also said my foot pain was coming from my shoulders, believe it or not. She told me my posture was too hunched and I needed to come out from behind my head and to stop using that part of my brain, which is the emotional part, and to use the front part, which is the thinking part.

So along goes time, and some strange things started happening. One, I started working really hard at having good posture. Two, I started trying really hard to use the front part of my brain. And three, my emotions started to creep out of their shell, all on their own... All of a sudden, I started feeling on the verge of tears over the strangest things. Me! Who never cries unless it is serious, serious pain - emotional or physical. Four, my feet stopped hurting. And today, my plantar is nearly gone, and my achilles is much, much better. And I'm trying really hard to use ALL the parts of my brain, emotional and thinking alike.

My wonderful friend "worked on me" a couple of weeks ago on a whim, because we all happened to be sitting down and visiting, and she said I'm better! I still have more work to do, and if you've read this blog at all in the past, then you know I'm a work in progress, but the good news is that I have made progress! And I'm thrilled. My posture is much improved, I'm not hiding behind my neck as much as I was, and my feet keep improving, as well.

So when I heard that Virginia Bluebell song by Miranda Lambert, it reminded me of myself and the journey I've been on this year. I hang out on the end of the limb, too. That's where I've been for most of my life, quite frankly. I'm trying to refocus myself and to "look up," and to not hide behind my head and to give myself a little emotional freedom. In other words, letting go of the control I cherish so deeply. I'm letting my emotions come through, even though it is hard for me to do. It's all a process, of course, but I'm thrilled to learn new things, and I truly believe there are no coincidences in this world, so for better or worse (although I can only think better, at this point), I'm going to take it all and run with it into the future, head held high.

3 comments:

  1. I love & miss you dear.....keep growing!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. and I am sorry I haven't posted more...this damn computer is messed up and hasn't let me "comment"......
    you, are such an inspiration....

    ReplyDelete
  3. What a great post - my mom does some similar work as your friend - she's technically a massage therapist for people as well as animals, but dives so much deeper. So, I definitely get what you are talking about.

    Crazy how are whole mind, body, and hearts are so intertwined - that posture and emotional release can make your feet feel better.

    I'm thrilled for you to be feeling the physical relief from pain, but even more for discovering the strength to share more of your emotions!

    ReplyDelete

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