Thursday, April 11, 2013

Being Busy

Tell me, do you know anyone who isn't busy? As my beloved mother-in-law says, she doesn't know a single soul who isn't. Everyone, in their own reality, is busy-busy-busy!

I have to confess, I used to think I was busier than most people, as if being busy were a competition or something, and I have even taken note of people who I think are busier than me, and I am amazed at how they pull it off. Well, being busy isn't a competition, and if it is, I'm done competing. Because I am dead tired of being so doggone busy. Ironically, Brady and I have tried hard over the years to "slow down." Both of us are "Movers-and-Shakers," so slowing down from trying to "do it all" was actually a skill for us to learn. Mostly, we've been busy out of necessity - it isn't as if we have been out having nonstop-fun with our busy selves - we've just been trying to "make it." And when it comes to making it, we'll do what it takes to get the job done.

What, you might be wondering, led me to ponder all this busy nonsense? Well, as is prone to happen, my big mouth got me in trouble, again. Not with anyone else, but with myself. A few days ago, one of my friends was talking about another friend of mine she had just seen, and she said, "She's really busy, isn't she?" If I could go back and do it all over again, I would have said, "Yes. She is." Because truthfully, in her reality, she is. But ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh noooooooooooooooooo. Not me. I had to state my opinion, which does not even matter, and I said, "Well... I guess. She's not as busy as she thinks she is." And ever since those words left my mouth, I have been suffering.

I have been suffering guilt for betraying one of my dearest friends. I love this person - why would I say such a thing?! And I have been thinking about how in her world, in her reality, she really is busy. It does not matter one iota what I think about her schedule. Period, end of story. And so due to my big mouth, I now have the cross to bear of passing judgment and feeling shame. Not a good feeling, I assure you.

I will admit it - I was comparing her life to mine, and by comparison, in my own reality, I have a lot going on. Lately, it has been getting to me a bit, "it" being the stress of keeping everything going. I have been shorter-tempered, more serious and stricter than usual, just trying to maintain and make sure everything that needs to get done gets done. Having pondered this issue, though, I am going to take it down a notch, because guess what? The only thing that matters is the happiness of my family, which is the whole point of the craziness in the first place.

I have apologized to my children for being harder on them than normal, and I have let them know I am feeling a lot of stress from trying to keep up with our schedules and to get everything taken care of. I hope they will forgive me my impatience. This week, I have made a new resolution to be easier on them, to not worry so much, and to just BE. Because when it is all said and done, we are so incredibly blessed and lucky! I am so thankful to have healthy, happy children (which I shared with them, to which Britt responded, "Yah, you could have a mental child." He's so right!) I am so thankful we are able to be busy-busy-busy and to experience all these wonderful things we are experiencing! I am grateful to have the love and support of my family and friends, who understand my crazy ways, loving me in spite of my flaws. And I am going to embrace the fact that now is the time to be busy, because in the blink of an eye, my babies will be leaving the nest, and I will miss these very busy days I am referring to. I am so very grateful to be able to be home with them instead of leaving them with a care provider every day - and  that is the biggest blessing of all. To be able to be a full-time mother and wife to my family is a luxury, and shame on me for ever forgetting that and for ever feeling sorry for myself when the schedules overwhelm.

So here we go! Back to the business of life! It is such a good life, and we are so lucky to live in the time we are living in. These are the days we will remember. Truly! These are the days.

1 comment:

  1. You are so honest and humble about your perceived shortcomings and faults. it is truly admirable to know yourself that well. but i think it is ok to think you may be busier than most - because you probably ARE! it is hard to feel so stretched thin in whatever moment we are all in our lives and jobs and activities i htink you're right ON in focusing on the big picture - happiness of your family. sometimes we do too much. i also like your MOUTH - i find your words authentic and sometimes those type of statements are needed to be said - we don't need to tiptoe through life. with good, good friends you should be able to talk frankly about stuff and it helps them, and lifts a weight off you too. i for one have always appreciated your authenticity and i know that you always come from a place of love and caring - so don't be too hard on yourself!!! hugs, n

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