Wednesday, September 11, 2013

The Colors of Fall - For Me, It's Blue

Happier days, when the summer was our oyster!

Yes, while other people are welcoming the famous colors of fall, I'm dealing with a color of a different nature - blue. I know, I know... Poor me! Fall is a very depressing time for me, though. Back-to-school, number one, and debris everywhere, number two. No, I don't enjoy sending my kids back to school, and no, I don't enjoy raking leaves and cleaning up the mess all those wonderful fall colors leave. I also don't like the loss of warmth as the weather transitions into winter. I'm a 100% summer girl, through and through!

I think I have written some variation on this topic every year I've had this blog. What can we say? Writing is therapy for me.

This year seems worse than years past. Granted, I know it will "get better," and I know I am lucky and blessed and truly a fortunate woman. But this year, whereas I can usually keep the tears at bay, they keep coming out, which is mortifying to say the least. I pride myself on my toughness. Perhaps I'm not as tough as I think I am and I've been fooling myself all these years. Maybe I'm just a big soppy mess of emotion. That is not a welcome thought! At all.

The reason this year is harder is, of course, Middle School. My precious little B's are now at two different schools. The very idea of this makes me feel insecure. The reality of it is harder than I expected. Brailey's school starts an hour after Britt's. They aren't too far in distance from one another, so this poses the problem of "what to do" while waiting. I know we will fill this time as the weeks go by, but for now it is living with the pain of change and "figuring it out." We have this same problem for after school pick-up - nearly an hour in between release times. I will accept it before long, but right now, I am kicking and screaming inside, pissed that a school district could have such poor planning. I know I'm not the only parent with this problem. Fortunately for people who live in town, they have a home to hang out in. Alas, the one and only downside to country living.

Even more annoying, Britt's school has early release one day a week, whereas Brailey's does not. I have always thought "early release" was stupid. Yes, STUPID. Why not take those hours and let school out earlier in the spring? I don't understand the purpose behind early release. It is extremely inconvenient, to say the least.

Another reason for this year being harder than years past is that Brailey's very best friend moved schools. Brailey is having a hard time adjusting to a life without her bestie in it. She is depressed and sad, and that makes me even bluer than normal. It is devastating to see her unhappy, unsure of herself, insecure and BLUE. I'm so used to Brailey's bright light, I can hardly bear the sadness I see on her face. She is trying hard to be strong, and she is very mature and bright, and I know the experience will only make her stronger. Her life can't be perfect all the time - I realize this. However, it is truly heartbreaking to see her eyes fill with tears and then her struggle to choke them down. And why the hell can't parents walk their sixth graders to their lockers in Middle School? Really?! They are still BABIES! They have years and years ahead of them to become independent. Why is so much importance put on independence? No, I'm not digging this Middle School scene at all. And yet, I am making her go through it. Like I said, she will be stronger for it in the end. She is learning important life skills that will serve her well. Yes, I know this.

Basically, school is getting in the way of our lives. With the after-school activities we have, which are only TWO, one per kid and on different days, at least until volleyball starts, then three. But we are stuck in town, waiting for Swim Practice to start, three days a week. The other two days we rush home to go riding, with no seconds to spare. Rush, rush, rush, wait, wait, wait. When do my B's get to be kids? This is another worry for me.

Whatever. I shouldn't worry. We will figure it all out. In the meantime, I am questioning our decision to attend the Spanish Immersion program. Is it worth it? Or would it be more beneficial to move to a school where both kids can be on the same schedule? Would a school closer to home be better? What is most beneficial for our family? For the time being, we're giving the Spanish schools a go. Eventually, things will work themselves into a routine. We will find time for homework and it is only the next two years we have to get through this scheduling hell, and then they will both be at the same school again. And Britt's swim schedule will change after spring break, which will be a big help. Plus, the school year is only nine months long. We can endure anything for nine months, right?

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